Wednesday, May 21, 2008

This is meant to be read sarcastically. If any of you have ever worked as a teller, you will understand all of this. These are phrases I mutter to myself pretty much all day long. People will never really learn.
51 Things I’ve Learned as a Teller
1. I know everyone in the world, so I never need to ask for ID.
2. "I'll be with you in one moment," means "Come right up here into my business and breathe your smokey breath in my face for a while."
3. Every credit union in the world steals money from its customers, particularly from the ones that don't keep a transaction register.
4. I'm always kidding when I tell people a check is not any good. I'm a good kidder.
5. I know the balance of every account at the credit union.
6. I am at the credit union just because I feel like it. My window isn't actually open when I say, "May I help you?"
7. I know everyone's account number.
8. I know everyone's address.
9. I don't understand how banking works.
10. I have to do whatever the person who gave my customer the check said.
11. I don't know how to count.
12. I don't know how to add.
13. I don't know what the date is.
14. I can read everyone's mind.
15. If I ask for your social, Im trying to steal your identity.
16. I know when every new coin will be arriving.
17. I know how much everyones bills are for the month.
18. We don't sell stamps.
19. We are just here for fun on most holidays, we're not really open. We love it when you rub it in.
20. When someone asks how you want your cash back, your suppose to wait until I have counted it back to you.
21. Apparently people have different definitions of commercial.
22. Your time is more important than mine. I have no life. When you show up 5 minutes before we close to make 10 deposits or open a new account, we don't mind.
23. Everyone with the credit union name tag is related.
24. I am also your secretary.
25. We love to place holds on your checks for fun. We are the only credit union that does it.
26. 13 hours and 10 minutes is not enough time for people to do their business.
27. I am in charge of the never ending popcorn, smarties, lollipops, and coffee.
28. It is polite to ignore someone when they say hello.
29. It is my fault when someone cuts you in line. I should have been paying attention to you and not your money.
30. I know what a checkingdepositwithdrawal for savings is.
31. Being rude should make me want to help you more.
32. I am not really human. I should never make mistakes.
33. It is okay to walk into someone's office when their door is shut.
34. I have a secret collection of licenses in my cubby.
35. I can't hear. I need you to ding the bell 5 times in a row.
36. The sign that says "Next Window Please" is just for decoration.
37. I make people wait on purpose. It's fun to make them mad.
38. I know everyone's PIN number to their ATM card.
39. Fraud doesn't really happen to anyone. Therefore, I should give everyone exactly what they want.
40. The coin machine is my favorite thing to do.
41. The credit union gives out free poinsettias at Christmas. We order them for you, not the bank. Display only means whatever you want it to mean.
42. Please and Thank You are forbidden words at the credit union. We hate to hear them.
43. Checking and Savings deposit slips are EXACTLY the same, we just like all the pretty colors and wanted to make them more colorful. Marking through the word savings changes the deposit slip completely!
44. When I tell someone the same thing over and over, I'm just doing it for fun. I like to waste my breath.
45. We will break the rules for anybody as long as you gripe for more than 10 minutes..
46. I am a professional coin counter. Even when the machine is broken, I will count the coin for you by hand!
47. I am psychic. When you call I can recognize your voice and pull up your information automatically. My computer is voice activated. It's all that fancy technology we have.
48. You don't have to tell me that you've been with the credit union for 50 years. I can tell.
49. Even after 5 years, I am a new teller to anyone who has never seen me before. If I've never met you, I have no idea what I'm doing.
50. I make the rules for the credit union industry. You can blame everything on me!
51. I'm an idiot.


hoLLy said...

funny:) #48 was my favorite.

Shankar said...

Some of us have claimed #51 to be true for years! ;-)

-Melissa- said...

I know you guys really like to hold checks just for fun! :) Love the list.

Tiffany said...

When I was a teller, and someone couldn't cash a check or withdraw funds (due to lack of funds), they always did a great job of making me feel like it was all my fault! Like I had done irreparable damage! I'm sure you can identify...

Nathan, Kassie and Emilie said...

We had a "stupid tally" at the bank I used to work at. It was a list of all the dumb things customers would do or say like "has everything cleared my account?" (really, the bank has no idea what is floating around) or get mad for waiting too long in the drive thru when THEY forgot to send in the tube or asking why they were overdrawn (because you spent more money than you had in your account!!!). Everytime someone did something on the list we just noncholantly put a tally next to that item. It added an element of humor to things. Your post reminds me of how dumb people can be when it comes to banking. Ahh, I love staying home!

Hirschi Family said...

this made me laugh a lot!